Statistics

Cliff did something a few weekends ago that you should never do when you are sick. He researched his cancer, which gave him statistics. I really hate statistics because they aren’t a guarantee on what your final outcome will be. Most people offer us encouraging stories about others they know that are survivors of Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. What most people don’t realize is that Cliff has Non-Hodgkin’s T-Cell Lymphoblastic Lymphoma. This only affects 2% of patients that have Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. The 5 year survival rate of this cancer is 40%-50%.

We are getting to the point in Cliff’s cancer treatment that we start talking about life after treatment. We have to decide if Cliff needs to take the prevention meds after radiation. Most of you are thinking yes you take the medicine because its prevention and you don’t want the cancer to come back. The problem with the medicines is the laundry list of side effects and the long term damage it causes. Dr. Turner told us that he and his colleges simply don’t know what Cliff should do. The last time his doctor treated someone with this cancer was 15 years ago, and before that one other guy 5 years before. This was also treated on a different type of chemo. There isn’t enough research to say yes you need the meds or no you don’t with this early stage of lymphoblastic lymphoma. Because of the rarity of his cancer you can’t get enough patients to do a study to find this answer out.

When Cliff is in the hospital he is surrounded by death. He is with other cancer patients who have been battling for awhile and it’s time to accept that nothing else can be done.  We watch their families stand outside their rooms discussing how to make them comfortable. One week I watched this patient sleeping and his wife and daughter looked completely exhausted, but still reading the bible to him. They stood by his side the whole week until he finally passed away. I wondered how they felt. I can only imagine that they are relived, sad, and angry.  This last stay in the hospital a lady was passing away in the room behind Cliff. Her family was in and out of the hospital the whole week and eventually made it to Cliff’s room to talk. I think he talked with everyone in her immediate family. Her husband walked by one night and I was lying in bed with Cliff. He told us that he’s so happy to see us in bed and fighting this together. It was like he wished he could crawl in bed with his wife and lay there with her, but he couldn’t. He had so much sadness in his eyes. He didn’t know what to do with himself. The lady eventually went to hospice and we found out last week that she did pass away.

This leaves me with what my greatest fear since this begun. What if it comes back? The doctor can’t make any guarantees if the cancer will come back or not. However, he reminded us that Cliff has something if he ever needs it….a sibling bone marrow match. The chances of his sister being a match were 1 in 4. When I got the news she was a match all I could do was cry. When I asked Cliff how he feels about her being a match he says fortunate. She is our hope if the cancer comes back.

I think about the statistics and the dying patients and they do scare me. You can’t go through this journey and not think about death. However, I truly believe that Cliff will be okay. Cliff is a fighter and even on his worst pain days he is doing the best he can to put a smile on his face for all of us. I don’t think Cliff will ever know what an inspiration he is to everyone that is on this cancer journey with us.