Dear Cliff,

Let me start off by saying how much I love you. Our love was strong before cancer, but even stronger now.

The first week in the hospital I cried when you slept. I would bury my head in the pillow and think that this isn’t going to be end to our love story. I know now that this isn’t going to be the end. We will have many more years together of me breaking and spilling things!  You have always made sure I was doing okay. You have brought out strength in me that I didn’t know that I had. I love being your wife and couldn’t be more proud of you. We have cried, argued, and laughed in the last six months. I know that I have been overbearing at times, but that was only because I love you.

You are an incredible father. You have been focused on Coy and Gabriella to make this as easy as possible for them. When you got diagnosed you were scared about how Coy was going to handle your physical changes. He has done amazing because you have made it a point to put on a happy face even when you weren’t feeling well.  You made it to his baseball games even when you felt bad. He’ll always remember that. After you got out of surgery from your biopsy one of the first things you said is that Gabriella wasn’t going to remember you if you died. That little girl adores her Dada! I believe that she has been a big part of your fight with cancer. She doesn’t know what’s going on and that’s the beauty of it. She has been the joy we all needed to get through this. The kids are the greatest thing you have ever done. They are lucky to have you just as much as you are lucky to have them.

Now that you know how much I love you let me tell you something…

You have mastered making everyone think you are feeling and doing great even when you weren’t. You make hard things look easy Lewis. This has been harder on you then it has on all of us. I know that some days it hurt to walk. I have seen you crawl from the restroom because you couldn’t walk back to the bedroom. I have seen you be in the worst pain from your first spinal tap. I watched you not eat for days because you couldn’t keep anything down. What you have gone through sucks. It is hard seeing you in pain and discomfort, but my pain in nothing in comparison to yours. You have been poked to many times to count. You have been though two spinal taps that were scary and painful. You have been through eight rounds of INTENSE chemotherapy. You had to come to terms with your cancer, and in some aspects I think that was the most challenging part for you. You have done amazing and I’m so proud to call you my husband. You are my hero and my inspiration to make the best out of every day. This would have broken some people, but you didn’t allow it. Be proud of yourself!  

Finally, I know that just because chemo is over it doesn’t mean that this is over. I know that you need the pet scan to be clear before radiation can start.  I know that we are both hesitant on what radiation will bring, but I know we’ll make it though it like we did everything else. Important decisions still have to be made about medications after radiation. I know that you will be tested frequently to make sure the cancer isn’t back. I don’t know what our future holds, but I know that we will always be able to face it head on together.   

I love you.