Blood/Platelet Donations

Cliff will be getting platelet and blood transfusions periodically from here on out. I've set up a donor number if anyone would like to donate in Cliff's name. The blood and platelets don't necessarily go directly to Cliff, but it helps replace the bank. Also, each time you use Cliff's name and number it will give a $10.00 credit toward any bills associated with these transfusions. I imagine we've already hit the max with insurance and won't be receiving any bills for this, but I could be wrong.

The way I'm looking at it is that I'm helping someone else that is going through this. Cliff received one bag of platelets last Friday and from what I read it took 6 people to get enough platelets for that one small bag. Those six people kept Cliff out of the hospital this past week. He felt more energized and looked a lot better.
My point is that donating never crossed my mind until Cliff got sick. If you are able and willing I think it’s a great way to help others in need.

You can go to any Carter Blood Care location to do this.

http://www.carterbloodcare.org/

Name: Terry C. Lewis
Number: 051701

Thanks Peak!

Cliff has been practicing jiu-jitsu for quite some time now. He fell in love with it from the day he started. Jiu-jitsu is a sport that you have to study and constantly challenge yourself on and off the mat. The more Cliff went to practice and got to know the guys/girls he started to develop some really neat friendships.

When Cliff went to the hospital that Monday he couldn’t breathe I called Juan and Lindsay to let them know. It's really hard to explain what Juan and Lindsay mean to us without tearing up, so I'll just say they are some great friends and we are lucky to have them! They came to the hospital with food and magazines and sat with us for a bit. After Cliff’s diagnoses Juan started to talk with Paul (Gym owner, coach, and friend) about what they could do to help/support Cliff in his battle with cancer. They got me in on a few details and I somehow managed to keep it from Cliff.

Boyfriends ;)
This was taken in Long Beach before we knew Cliff was sick.

Philip and Cliff talking about a move. Again, another great friend.

Every quarter ranking day is held. Everyone gets to the gym and they torture those who are going for their blue belt! This ranking day was special because it was for Cliff. He had no idea that shirts were being made for him. They also planned a huge raffle! It was amazing! JThe team raised $4,000 for Cliff's medical expenses. We can’t thank you all enough! This has been a tremendous help to us. The bills have started coming in and not having to worry about them has been a huge relief.

This past weekend the team competed at Lone Star State Jiu-Jitsu Championship and took home 1^st place in both adult gi and no gi division. It’s a great accomplishment! They also wore their shirts in honor of Cliff. The shirt reads "CLIFF WOULD ROLL-WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?" The truth is Cliff really would roll if he could. The doctor has given him the okay for light rolling, but his energy isn't there yet. He's still suffering from minor headaches and is tired easily.

Peak Performance is an amazing group of people. We thank and love you all!!!

Platelet Transfusion

This week vs. last week has been better for Cliff.  

We went to the doctor on Wednesday and I was happy with what Dr. Turner had to say. It was very apparent to everyone that Cliff’s chemo treatment didn’t go well last week. They weren’t able to get a handle on the nausea and had to continue to medicate him. It wasn’t working!!!!!  At some point you have to stop with the meds and accept that he’s going to be sick. Dr. Turner has a different set of meds that he’s going to try at the beginning of his next B treatment to see if that helps. The key is to prevent the nausea because once it starts its hard to shut it off. I’m for medicine if it works…if it’s not working I don’t see why give him it to him. Cliff shares the same thought that I do.  He still has the headache every now and then, but not to the degree of last week. He has been tired because his blood and platelet counts are low.

Which brings us back to the hospital today…platelet transfusion. This is fairly common with the type of cancer he has. I’m planning on setting up a donation account at Carter Blood Care for anyone who would like to donate in Cliff’s name. This will help replace the bank with whatever blood and platelets Cliff will use in his treatments. I will have more details on this later.

We appreciate everyone’s thoughts and prayers. They keep us going!

Outlet

I started this blog to keep our friends and family informed on Cliff’s progress and to use as my outlet. Today it’s my outlet.

To say that this past week was hard is an understatement. Seeing Cliff in physical and mental pain was the worst. It's hard seeing someone you love in pain. All I could do was put on a strong face and tell him we will get through this.  

This is a balancing act. I have to balance Cliff, kids, and work. Yes, I was doing this before, but when you add cancer it's a whole new act. I couldn't be more grateful for the company I work for. When I tell them Cliff needs me they say go. They call and check on how he's doing. They are being accommodating. They care.

I didn't realize how exhausted I was until today. I was sitting at my desk and it happened...I cried. Not a heavy cry, but just tears. I kept thinking how can we do this? How can we do this 6 more times? How can Cliff get 6 more chemo treatments and survive? I started to doubt our strength. Cliff is the strong one...not me. Then the guilt sets in...how can I be consumed by what I'm thinking and feeling compared to what Cliff is going through?

So many of you have said I'm strong. Why I think it's awfully kind of you, I need to be honest. I don't feel strong. I feel like I'm fighting to keep our family together. Cliff has been strong for the both of us for a long time. I had a hard time after having the baby and balancing work. I was a hot mess and he was the strong one. It took Cliff getting cancer to snap me out of the funk. The funk started to creep up on me today. With a little help at work today I was able to snap out of it.

I can't think about the future. It scares me. Not thinking about the future is how I've survived this past month. I want to worry about the day I'm in. I need not to worry about the next 6 chemo treatments. We are still figuring out what meds work and don't work for Cliff. I will put this past week behind us after we talk with the doctor on Wednesday. I have some concerns and I’m hoping he will be able to address them.

When Cliff and I talked today we agreed that this could be a blessing. We will appreciate life so much more after this. Our love is strong...so maybe that's why I'm strong.

On a different note Cliff is tired, but feeling better overall. He still has a slight headache at times and his bones are sore. He should be getting his next chemo treatment by the end of the month.

Still at Hospital...

We are still at the hospital L

Cliff still has the headache and nausea at times. He did eat a little fruit today and was able to keep it down. That’s a good sign!

It’s getting tough watching him be in so much discomfort. I feel bad that all I can do is offer emotional support. I wish I could take away his pain.

The on call doctor saw him today and said he didn’t pass the eye test. When the nurse asked what that was he said, “He looks like crap.” I can appreciate his bluntness. I hoping he will consider eating more fruit so he can build his energy up.

Overall, we are hanging in there.

-Meagan

Quick Update

Cliff is still nauseous, but the good news is that he is done with his second round of chemo. We are ¼ of the way to remission. J His headache is starting to fade.

He is still not eating. He was supposed to be leaving the hospital today, but Dr. Turner won’t release him until he eats.

His phone has been blowing up with texts and calls asking how he’s doing, but he hasn’t realized it. He hasn’t touched his phone since Wednesday afternoon. He hasn’t been awake for more then 5-10 minutes at a time. When he talks you can’t understand what he’s saying because of the morphine.  He uses his hands to motion what he wants/needs.

He is actually quite pleasant to the nurses and techs, but he gives him mom and I “the look” when we are trying to do something for him. I know he doesn’t realize it, but we’ve already decided that we are going to give him a hard time about it later.

He’s tough. I told him this morning that when he eats and is less dependent on the IV meds he’ll be able to go home and see his babies. He started to eat ice chips so I think he understood me.

Also, I didn’t realize that you could set an alarm on his hospital bed. Every time he sits up or tries to stand the thing sounds and a nurse is here FAST.  I decided since he was knocked out from the morphine last night to go home and get some rest. I had him on bed lock down and he had no clue. J It was a peace of mind for me.

Thanks everyone for reading this blog and keeping up with how Cliff is doing.  Going into this round of chemo with a headache and nausea is what made this round so hard for him. Dr. Turner is going to take some extra measures on his next and last spinal tap, so hopefully this doesn’t happen again.

Vicious Cycle

This chemo treatment has been HARD on Cliff. We thought that maybe it wouldn't be so bad, because he handled his first treatment so well. I don't know if it's the chemo, headache, nausea, lack of appetite, or all of it combined that has made this so hard for him.

He sent me a text around two that he was feeling horrible, so I told him I'd be up there in a bit. When I got to the hospital he had a blanket over his head and the lights off. I went outside to speak with the nurse and asked is there anything else they can do for his headache. She told me that he said he was doing okay, but it was just a dull headache. I told her don't believe a thing he says then. If he is in the room and can't stand light or noise, obviously he isn't feeling better or doing okay. I also asked about his appetite, because he hasn't eaten anything since a salad for lunch yesterday. She asked me if he's scared to eat or is he just not hungry. I told her if anything he's more scared to eat, because he hates throwing up just like everyone else should. I told Cliff that he needs to speak up or I'll be doing the speaking for him. I'm going to stay and talk with Dr. Turner tomorrow, to see what he says.

It's a vicious cycle at this point. The headache could be from lack of food, but because he's nauseous he can't keep anything down. They gave him headache medicine, but it makes him nauseous because his stomach is empty. They attempted to give him nausea medicine before he ate, and that didn't work either. It's exhausting for him and for us that care for him. It's awful, but it is what it is.

Since Cliff got diagnosed he is still worried about everyone else, and not worried about himself. I know he thinks about what's happening to him, but he would rather focus on others. He called his uncle today to talk about a resume. Really...who does that? He can't keep anything down and has a headache from hell, but wants to talk about a resume. That's one of the reasons I love him. Cliff has a quality about him most people don't. He is selfless. He will go without, so someone else can. He will go out of his way to help someone, and won’t think twice about it. However, if you cross him I wish you luck...you'll need it.

This goes back to “things will get harder, before they get easier.” I know this sounds awful, but it's how I feel today so I’m going to say it. I wouldn't wish this on anyone in the world, but I wish it wasn't us. I wish it wasn't him. I know wishing isn't going to change a thing. I know this is just another chapter in our story. I know we will look back and say wow we beat cancer. I say “we” a lot in this. Cliff is taking a huge burden of this, but cancer affects everyone to the people that they love. We will beat this all together.

Hospital Vistit 3/Chemo Round 2

Cliff was able to start his second round of chemo yesterday evening. He had a 2 hour drip bag, and then he's been on a 22 hour drip bag that should be finishing up soon. After that he will go on a two hour drip bag every 12 hours for 2 days. A lot of info to process isn't it?

He still has the headache. This is a headache that he wants all the lights off, no noise, and a cool wash cloth on his head. He also developed a case of the hiccups. They gave him something to try and knock both the headache and hiccups. The hiccups are gone, but sadly the headache is still here. He’s also starting to feel nauseous; hopefully this is from the headache and not the chemo. He keeps telling me sorry every time he gets sick. I hate this! I keep telling him that there is no reason to be sorry. I’m sorry he has to deal with this.

Some have asked why can’t they cut the mass out. There is no reason to cut the mass out. The thing is already melting away with his first round of chemo. I think I mentioned what kind of cancer he had in the blog post that I somehow deleted, so I’ll say again. He has Non Hodgkin’s Lymphoblastic Lymphoma. This is a blood cancer which means this is a form of leukemia. To be honest, I haven’t done much research after Cliff’s diagnoses. I don’t want to scare myself with Google searches. I have great friends and family that will send me emails about something they have found and I love that. It’s nice knowing that they proof read it. I know they aren’t sending me something that will freak me out. I trust his doctors and nurses fully. I believe that Dr. Turner and Dr. Collins (more about him another day) will do whatever they can to get Cliff healthy and remission.

I told Cliff after the first hospital stay that he’ll get to say he’s a cancer survivor. That’s pretty powerful in my opinion. We already know Cliff is a fighter, and this is just another battle in his life that he’ll overcome. I love him so much and can’t wait for the day doctor to say he’s in remission.


FYI he has the hiccups again…

The lime green ribbon represents lymphoma awareness.

Symptoms

On Thursday Cliff had to get a spinal tap along with a shot of chemo to make sure there aren't any cancer cells in his spinal fluid. He came home and took a long nap to avoid getting a spinal headache. After he woke up he started to develop a headache and his back was getting sore. I gave him some Advil, water, and a little dinner and he decided to go to bed early.

We had two appointments scheduled for Friday. He needed to get a pet scan done first, and we needed to head to Dallas second. When you get a pet scan done you aren't suppose to eat 8 hours before. Cliff went about his normal routine that morning and ate two hard boil eggs! Oops! We called the doctor and they said it should be fine and they moved the appointment two hours back. As Cliff was walking in the office I knew his head and back was sore, but thought he would be able to push through. The tech came out shortly after Cliff went back and told his mom and me he wasn't doing well and that he was nauseous and had a horrible headache. I called Dr. Turner's office and they told me that he was probably feeling bad from the shot of chemo and not the spinal tap. I told the tech I have some meds I can give him at home, but if he can still try and get the scan done because chemo was scheduled for Sunday. The tech came back out 15 minutes later and told us that he was now throwing up and he wouldn't be able to do the scan today. Bummer! It took a long few minutes, but we were able to get him in the car and get him home in bed. Every time I gave him a drink of water it came right back up. I was concerned that if he didn't keep anything down he would end back up in the hospital. Finally he fell asleep and when he woke up he was feeling a little better and was able to keep food and water down. I'm thankful for Dr. Turner and his nurses. I called many times that afternoon and they told me what to do to help him.

His headache and back pain have lasted all weekend. He wanted to have a few people over on Saturday night to watch the UFC Fights. I agreed, but had a feeling he wasn't going to make it. He spent a majority of the time lying in the bedroom, but he enjoyed having our friends over. They understood he didn’t feel well, and didn’t mind hanging out with me instead.

I'm really hoping this is from his spinal tap and not the shot of chemo. I would hate to see him feel this bad until chemo is over. He was supposed to start his second treatment today, but Dr. Turner thought it would be best to wait until he is feeling better. We are hoping he will start tomorrow or Tuesday. We also got told that he'll have another spinal tap at the end of the month. We thought this was a onetime deal, but I'll get more answers on that soon.

He's Home!

Well my post from Sunday night somehow got deleted. I'm upset about it, but it is what it is.

Quick recap...Cliff was running a fever so we went to the ER. They decided to keep him for the next couple of days. His blood count fell to 150 and that made him neutropenic. That means that he's not able to fight off infections like the average person.

To add to Sunday I got pulled over on my way home at 1:30 in the morning. I couldn't figure out what I did wrong. When the cop came up to my window he told me my registration sticker was out. I argued with him that it wasn't, because my fiancé got the new one this past week. When I looked at the sticker I realized Cliff didn't change it out yet. I found the new sticker in the console and it handed it to the cop. He asked me why it wasn't on the car yet and needless to say I lost it! I told him probably because my fiancé has cancer and I just left him at the hospital and the registration sticker wasn't the priority today. I'm pretty sure I made the cop feel like an ass. I called Cliff in tears. I understand the man was only doing his job, but it really was only one day late. I think he was hoping to find something more interesting, but he only got an emotional woman.

Cliff got to come home today! Dr. Turner thinks it could have been a sore that opened up in his mouth that caused the infection. The worst part about him being in the hospital is leaving him. I realized that when they had us wear mask around him that I'm more harm than good if I stay with him all the time. Sometimes it will be best for me to go home and let the nurses and doctors do their job. I find myself asking if he's okay a lot! I know it's annoying and I try to control it, but I can't. He'll have to deal with it for awhile.

People have asked if we had any signs that anything was wrong. Well the answer is it's hard to tell. Cliff has been living a very healthy lifestyle since he started jiu jitsu about a year and half ago. He worked out many times a week and sometime even twice if he had the day off. He ate well and drank tons of water. He started to develop night sweats off and on about a year ago. We chalked it up to him working out and cutting weight for a tournament that he could have coming up. It wasn't an every night thing so we really didn't put much thought into it. He had lost weight, but that's common with healthy eating habits and working out. The only thing that triggered him to go to the doctor was his trouble breathing. The x-rays showed that his trachea was only open a quarter of what it should have been. We are lucky the mass caused this or otherwise it would still be in there growing and spreading. I happy to report that his last x-ray showed the mass is melting away. Dr. Turner is very pleased with what he saw. We are still looking around December for his treatment to be complete, but this shows the chemo is working.

Cliff has an amazing spirit. What I love/hate is how he doesn't waste time worrying about what others think. (I have a tendency to worry)

Thanks for all support in this this blog. I was really nervous about it, but I’m glad I decided to move forward with it.